“You are the WORST mom!” My child yelled from the other room yesterday in the midst of a really angry outburst…
My husband and the older kids were gone and the younger kids had asked to have a tea party with me.
It seemed so sweet and special and then things went off the rails. One of the younger kids had already been having a rough morning, but they had calmed down… until something about the way I poured their tea for them set them off and they were soon in the midst of a complete meltdown.
When my older three were younger, the meltdowns would often send me into a spiral, often leading me to feel super frustrated and upset and angry at my child, to over-react, to yell, and to beat myself up over where I was failing in motherhood.
These days, I approach meltdowns much differently…
I try to just calmly tell my child that they need to go in the other room until they can express their frustration or big feelings in a respectful manner. And then I will take them into another room and tell them they can come out when they are ready to talk calmly and kindly.
I’ve found that when kids are super worked up and angry or having an outburst, it’s rarely the time to try to engage in any sort of conversation that is productive. So having them go into the other room helps give them space to get their big feelings out and cool down.
Oftentimes, they’ll come back and say they are ready to change their attitude but then immediately start showing frustration and anger again. So they’ll need to go into the other room again.
We often have to repeat this multiple times. This day, it took four tries before they were ready to come out with a calm spirit.
I immediately hugged them and asked what they needed to say to me. They asked forgiveness for their anger and unkind words.
And then we prayed together and I asked God to help them. Then, we talked about better ways to respond in the future and why that wasn’t an appropriate response.
They asked if we could still have a tea party (the tea party with the other child was long over with since this had taken 30+ minutes).
I said an enthusiastic yes! And then we sat and talked and laughed and drank tea together.
It was such a reminder to me that parenting is hard and holy work. It takes a whole lot of time and effort and the willingness to constantly upend our plans to disciple our kids.
It is slow work. There are rarely overnight results.
It requires repetition and more repetition and more repetition.
It stretches us like nothing else and shows us our desperate need for Jesus.
And also… It is worth it!!
Those days where almost all you did was disciple. The weeks and months and years when it seemed like no progress was being made. When you constantly fell on your knees and sent up flare prayers.
It is worth it. Don’t give up, mamas.
Most of all… Remember that your example of calmness in the midst of chaos sets the tone for your kids.
And they are watching your every move and every response. Your dependence on Jesus during the hard days is something that will be ingrained in their hearts and souls.
Don’t give up. ❤️
This process of remove, repent, repair/restore, repeat is something that has helped our home so much — and it’s something we sometimes need to practice as adults, too.
Here are the steps I recommend:
❤️ Remove yourself from the situation to give time to calm down.
❤️ Repent of where you have hurt someone else or sinned against God or others. (And don’t just say “I’m sorry.” Ask for forgiveness.)
❤️ Repair where there has been a wedge in a relationship and restore what was broken through loving words, talking things through, spending time together, and/pr praying together.
❤️ Repeat, as necessary.
Speaking of parenting, I had a surprise at the library this week.
I went to pick up holds because Kierstyn has discovered how to put holds on books at the library. She comes home multiple days a week like, “mom, we read a new book at school today and I want to get it from the library.” So I let her sit next to me and she puts holds on books. Sometimes she’ll even look up authors that she’s interested in and puts their books on hold.
I don’t really pay attention to the books that she puts on hold, but when I go to pick them up I’ll look through them.
Well, on Monday, I went to pickup the books and there was a surprise!
You know how Kierstyn and Micah recently discovered I’m an author? Well this book — my book — was in the stack! Love-Centered Parenting!
I was really hoping the librarian wasn’t looking closely at the names and thinking, “Why is this lady checking out her own book??” (Gratefully, I don’t think she noticed. 😆)
By the way, if you need some encouragement when it comes to parenting, if you’re struggling, or if you want to hear my story of hitting rock bottom, I think this book will really encourage you.
You can also sign up for my FREE 10 day course on how to become a calmer, more joyful, and less angry mom.
This week, I started physical therapy to treat my fractured spine and borderline Grade 3 spondylolisthesis. Except for pelvic floor therapy, I’ve never been to PT in my life, so I really didn’t know what to expect.
I’m so grateful though — I’ve prayed every step of the way with this whole unexpected injury situation, that God would provide the right people to walk with me in my healing journey. And God answered my prayer: I LOVE my therapist.
But also get this. Before I went in to PT, I made a joke on Instagram about how “hopefully at this PT they’re not gonna be… sticking their hands up me.” I kind of couldn’t believe I said that part out loud! 🫣
But when I got to PT I just had to laugh because… she’s a pelvic floor therapist, as well as a lumbar spine specialist! And then she asked me all these question and was like, “actually, I think you need to do some pelvic floor therapy too.” So apparently I’m getting a two-for-one here! Lumbar AND pelvic floor therapy!
She also told me, “You walk, sit, stand, lie down, everything incorrectly and we’ve got A LOT of work to do.”
Here are more details, if you want the nitty gritty:
The PT gave me some pretty strict restrictions based upon how my body is moving right now and how much I’m experiencing nerve tingling as a result of the spondylolisthesis.
She doesn’t want me to do any exercise outside of slow walking and stationary biking. She also gave me lifting restrictions and other restrictions. And she is going to talk to the team at the bone & joint clinic as she thinks I need more imaging and possibly injections.
She said it’s going to be a really slow process, especially with all the nerve stuff I’m experiencing. She also found some weakness in my big toe, which might not seem like much, but any weakness is concerning with what I’ve got going on.
However, she said I should be able to run again! She thinks I’ve been dealing with a lot of these things for years and my body has just learned to live with the pain but that I’ve developed really bad ways of moving my body to compensate for how things are not aligned/ moving right.
Overall, I’m learning so much. I’m so grateful for the great team of people around me and trusting God for what the future looks like.
Also, I know that there are WAY more challenging diagnoses — they could have found an aggressive tumor on my spine or something. So there is so much to be grateful for.
Jesse sent this to me the same day I had told him, “you are chewing so loudly!” 🫣
(Thanks to @mattlisle for this very relatable meme!)
Did you see November’s book club pick?? Check out why I picked it here.
This Week on The Crystal Paine Show: Helping Kids Through Grief (with Sissy Goff)
I am so thrilled to have frequent guest Sissy Goff back on the show this week to talk about how to help kids cope with loss and recover from grief. The last few times I’ve had her in the studio, she has had David Thomas with her, and as much as I love David, it was really nice to have her all to myself.
In this episode, she draws from her book Helping Kids Through Grief: A Parent’s Guide for Making Sense of Death, Processing Loss, and Finding Hope, Sissy helps me tackle this topic and discusses how grief is one of those things that kids will obviously eventually experience, but that doesn’t make it any easier when we have to help them through it.
Sissy draws from more than thirty years’ experience, and she shares why she wanted to create an accessible, practical resource for parents who are trying to help their children process loss via this book. The two of us discuss the different stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance, and why grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. Sissy explains what these stages can look like in children, how siblings may respond very differently to the same loss, and how we can recognize what’s happening beneath their behavior.
We also discuss the importance of giving children room to grieve at their own speed without forcing conversations, while still maintaining the boundaries and routines that help them feel safe. Sissy offers practical guidance on sharing our own emotions without making our children feel responsible for taking care of us, recognizing when they might need additional support, and approaching difficult questions with honesty and age-appropriate answers.
One of my favorite parts of our conversation is Sissy’s encouragement to be our children’s most trusted source of information, especially when they’re facing something frightening or confusing. We talk about how to prepare for difficult conversations, what to do when we don’t have all the answers, and why helping children understand what’s coming next can make such a huge difference!
Perhaps most importantly, we discuss the hope that can emerge even after devastating loss. Grief doesn’t simply disappear, but children can develop a deeper capacity for empathy, resilience, and compassion when they have someone safe and steady walking alongside them. I think this is a conversation every parent needs to hear — and I’d encourage you to read her book! Enjoy my conversation with Sissy!
What I’m Reading…
I’m currently reading so many great books: House Hushing, Rooted Not Rushed, Helping Kids Through Grief, After We Fall, The Belle of Chatham, Where Wilted Flowers Bloom, Two-Minute Timeouts for New Moms, and Beyond Fit.
What I’m Watching…
This past week, the girls and I watched week 8 of Dancing with the Stars together. (It’s fun to have a show that Kierstyn, Kaitlynn, and I all enjoy together!)
We also got to watch an early screener of The Way of the Warrior Kid movie this weekend! Jesse and the kids have loved the books so I am so excited about this movie!
What I’m Listening to…
I just got Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention–And How to Think Deeply Again from Libby — someone recommended this and I’ve been on the wait list for this for awhile so we’ll see what I think!
This Week’s Featured Gift Guides:
Do you need budget-friendly gift ideas? The MSM Team has put together gift guides to help make your shopping easy, affordable, and fun!
This week’s highlighted guides are:
- 15+ of the Best Gluten-Free Gift Ideas — Looking for unique gluten-free gifts to give someone who avoids gluten due to food allergies, sensitivities, or personal dietary choices? This guide, put together by Olivia on our team, has you covered!
- 24 Gifts for Teen Girls (Compiled by Kaitlynn!) — Looking for the best gift ideas for teen girls this holiday season? These 24 ideas put together by my teenage daughter, Kaitlynn, will hopefully help give you some great suggestions!
- 20 Best Christmas Gift Ideas for Young Boys (under $30!) — Gretchen, a mom of 3 boys, put together this amazing list of gift ideas that are under $30 and sorted by age, so you’re sure to find something the young boys in your life will enjoy.
- The Best Outdoor Gift Guide for the Adventurer — Outdoor enthusiast Sarah, from the MSM team, put together this list of more than 30 gift ideas adventurers will love. Whether you’re looking for stocking stuffers, budget-friendly gifts for outdoors people, or splurge gifts, there’s something here for the nature lovers on your list.
You can also see all our budget-friendly gift guides here, and stay tuned for more to come!
More Links You’ll Love from This Week:
- Best Things to Buy on Black Friday (and What Not To) — Black Friday deals are already starting and there are some amazing ones! But, with every store claiming to have “can’t-miss” deals, it can be hard to navigate what’s really a bargain and what’s just advertising claims. Read this post for all the details about the best items to buy and when, so you can maximize your savings.
- Easy Homemade Stromboli ($10 Family Dinner Idea) — This easy stromboli recipe is a fun dinner idea that my entire family loves. It’s great as leftovers the next day (my boys take it in their school lunches), and it can be eaten hot or cold (or even at room temperature).
- National Consumer Panel: Earn rewards for scanning your purchases! — Looking for a way to earn some extra cash? Check out this opportunity!
- What I Got from Shipt for $30 — My husband was out of town and I’m dealing with a back injury, so when my sister texted me about a hot deal on Shipt for discounted grocery delivery, I figured I’d give it a try. Find my honest thoughts and tips on making the most of your own order in this post.
- Spend Your Money on What Matters Most — I recently joined the 1000 Hours Outside Podcast again, this time to discuss spending our money to shape a life we actually want. Listen in as we talk grocery bills, raising financially capable kids, inexpensive family adventures, and my early couponing years.
Source: moneysavingmom.com…