When frugality doesn't come naturally

A reader wrote to me, saying she would love to hear from readers who are not naturally frugal. Here’s what she said:

I know that most, if not all, of your commenters are frugal and seem to have been so for a long time. 

I, however, I am not in this category. Despite my parents’ best efforts to make me into a saver, I have always been a spender. I really don’t even want to know how MUCH I have spent in my 61 years-the thought of that number is terrifying, and there is definitely some shame attached! Although I always manage to pay my bills, I feel like I live on the edge all the time, especially since I had to retire early due to back problems. 

What I am interested in is not really tips, but how and why people have embraced frugal living. Was it born out of necessity, or does it come naturally to them? Did they adopt it because of a specific financial setback/situation, or perhaps a goal they were trying to achieve? I would especially love to hear from readers to whom being frugal doesn’t come naturally.

I think this is a lovely idea, and it is not a topic I can speak on since frugality seems to be kind of woven into my very DNA.

So, I will turn the metaphorical microphone over to my readers, but before I do, I wanted to talk about the shame you mentioned, and I wanted to point out that no one is naturally good at everything.

For every human, there are things that come easily, and there are things that are a struggle. As you know, I find it very easy to save money, and I need no help there.

To take it out of the financial realm, I am naturally very good at compromising, giving in, considering others, and figuring out ways to collaborate and cooperate. However, I find it extremely difficult to speak up, say no, use my voice, and cause a confrontation, even when it’s very necessary. This means I’ve needed to work pretty hard on that, and still, my skills will probably never rival those of a natural-born bold and direct person.

Or when I think about school…it is so easy for me to write. English, spelling, grammar…those subjects were all a non-challenge for me. But math has never come easy, and that’s ok. I have worked very hard on math for many years, especially due to homeschooling, but it’s never going to be something I love or that feels easy.

(We can include chemistry here too, mmmkay?)

I guess my point is: you may struggle with saving money, but you are probably naturally good at many other things (like any human!) You’re just a regular person, with a mixture of strengths and weaknesses, and thinking about it like that may take away some of the shame.

Shame is a very immobilizing kind of feeling, so it’s both unpleasant and patently unhelpful. But if we can look at a deficit in our skills and say, “This thing is pretty hard for me, and that’s ok. How am I gonna deal with this so I can do what I need to do?”, then we are a little more inclined toward growth.

Paradoxically, being kind to ourselves can sometimes make it a little easier to work on our weak areas. 🙂

Now I’m gonna let my readers take over because they can be more helpful than me!

Readers: How did you come to frugality? Was it natural, or did you have to learn?

(I’m happy to hear from both crowds, but if you are a person who’s had to learn frugality, your input would be extra helpful to this reader!)